Name: Pixie
Question: I identify as a single female and have recently joined tinder. I matched with a guy who seemed cool and interesting and in my age range. He didn’t show up to any meetings and yet he still kept on talking to me thru the app. So, i followed up with one last attempt in meeting and it happened.
Here’s where things get tricky though. After meeting with him, things seemed off throughout the meeting. I didn’t want to judge because it could’ve been nothing or just nerves but I just got this off vibe from him.
Few days later, I got busy with school so I wasn’t responding as much but I kept getting messages from him. At first they were nice and then it got hostile and aggressive.
I’ve reported it many times but he still makes new accounts to do the same thing.
Sorry that it’s long. I just had to get it all out there.
Thank you.
Age: 22
He didn’t show up to any meetings
I’m not quite sure what you mean by this. Did you make plans and hejust never showed up or are you saying he never tried to make plans with you? If it’s the former, then that right there told you who this guy was.
HOWEVER…
That doesn’t mean he gets to spew his white male rage at you. You did nothing wrong by giving him a second chance. You did nothing wrong by not answering his emails. In fact, you did exactly what you’re supposed to do in that situation. You sensed something was off and slowly faded. In a situation where you believe someone might not be stable, it’s best to just back away, no sudden movements.
I actually experienced this last night with a female customer. I’d sent out messages to women registered for a speeddating event and asked if they’d like to transfer to another event due to the overage of women. Several women replied. One woman replied asking to transfer and I apparently didn’t include her in my batch response. She showed up at the venue not knowing the location had changed, then went across town to the correct venue and the event was almost over. She emailed me irate (understandably) and was extremely hostile. She demanded a refund and another free event. I responded immediately with an apology and refunded her registration within five minutes of the request. The vitriol in her message made me think something with this woman wasn’t right. I did a search for her email address in my inbox. Sure enough, I had a message from her about how she went to a party and everybody was in cliques and they were all standing around pointing and laughing at her. I knew then that I was not going to respond to this woman for fear the conversation would escalate.
In total, I received 12 messages from her, each more hostile and vitriolic than the last. Eventually, like a wailing newborn, she tired herself out and stopped. Being on the receiving end of messages like that is not fun. It’s draining. I recently had an ex pester me with emails after I told him he wouldn’t be using me as an air bag now that his marriage had crashed and burned. He didn’t like that. He sent weekly emails harrassing me. Finally, I contacted his estranged wife (they’re separated) and told her what was up. They still live together so that should make family dinners with their kid super fun. It went, “Sure, I’ll do you a favor” to “Can you now provide me with physical affection” to “I’m soooo sorry for seeming creepy” to “fuck you, you cunt.” He did me a favor with the intention of asking me for sex and he got pissed when I called him out on it. Because, of course.
After meeting with him, things seemed off throughout the meeting. I didn’t want to judge because it could’ve been nothing or just nerves but I just got this off vibe from him.
Understand this: judge all you want. Judge the fuck away! You are not obligated to give someone the benefit of the doubt for any reason. If you sense something isn’t right, the majority of the time, it isn’t. Go with that. You do not owe anybody – least of all him – an apology or extra consideration. Those are things people earn.
I’ve reported it many times but he still makes new accounts to do the same thing.
This is where we can’t win. Go to the police and they’ll shrug it off. Respond to him or engage him and any way and he’ll never go away. I hate suggesting to just letting him tire out, but it’s all I’ve got. You don’t want to poke him with a stick. He’s too volatile. As usual, we have to acquiesce. I would say go to the police regardless and fill out a report. Then just keep ignoring him. I hate that I can’t suggest more.
Thoughts?
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